the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
