I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You smell like stripper and shame
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
