Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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