Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
