Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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