Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
