Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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