Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
