I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
