quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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