went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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