so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
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Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
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Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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