So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
