Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
