Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
