Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
