You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
