i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
