the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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