If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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