Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
