So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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