just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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