you have to choose: penises or morals?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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