Who wears a wallet chain?!
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
