Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
