Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
