Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
