My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
