i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
