What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
