I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
