And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
