Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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