he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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