You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
