And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
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i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
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Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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