mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
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full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much rum. So many feels.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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