Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
