you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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