I hate all girls vehemently.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
