I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
