the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
