I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
