Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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