why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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