Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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