the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
