why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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