I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
