i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
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i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
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I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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