she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
