I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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