alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
