im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
