as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
