I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
