Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
