she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
