Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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