You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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