and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
