worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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