And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
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Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
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Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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