Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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