True but thats because hes a fetus.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
