I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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