You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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