how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
