i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
