seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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