We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I have aggressive nipples.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
