oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's official drugs can't kill me
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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