Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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